Colombia - South Bound

From Cartegena we headed south to Medellin, which sadly did not meet our high expectations. Perhaps we were spoilt with the architecture of Bogota or perhaps we landed ourselves in the wrong area of town, either way I found the city itself to be quite ugly. Several people along with the lonely planet had informed us that Medellin is brimming with beautiful people but after a few hours of roaming its streets we began to wonder whether the city had a trap door somewhere that led to another dimension with a secret password that only beautiful people are privy to know, as there was a definite lack of decorum up on ground level. In fact we seemed to manage to land ourselves in the middle of a crack den with prostitutes and drug addicts on every corner. Our fear for our safety was only enhanced when we met up with Henry, a local couch surfer, for a drink and he refused to walk through our neighbourhood on the way home. With this in mind we made a swift exit and headed to a tiny little town about an hour away by the name of Retiro. Set amongst rolling hills with a population of only 6000 people, Retiro was a contradiction in itself. Judging by its size and location you'd assume it would be sleepy and quiet, which is why I was stunned to find it was one of the most sociable places we came across. The town was set around a central square adorned with coffee shops and bars and I swear every member of the community was drinking in one of them. It really was the perfect combination of tradition and modernity. There was an endless supply of stylish furniture shops and clothing boutiques while on the same street you'd see a young boy riding his horses bare back and two elderly gents engrossed in a game of cards that they`d probably started 4 hours previously.

Next on the agenda was Cali, Colombia's third largest city, famed for its love of salsa. Needless to say I was keen to make this pit stop. Here we couch surfed with a guy called Felipe and I have to say this was my strangest experience of couch surfing yet, not necessarily bad but certainly entertaining. Felipe is the dictionary definition of a ditherer, and one of the most indecisive people I have ever met. Although his heart was in the right place I was quite bemused by how a person can appear so spaced out without the influence of any narcotics, perhaps there was something he wasn't telling us? Aside from Felipe we also had the pleasure of meeting his parents. We were first introduced to Bernie, Felipe's step dad, when he surfaced from his bedroom wearing nothing but a towel the size of a loin cloth around his waist. Conscious of not wanting to invade his personal space, Joel and I were rather hesitant to introduce ourselves but we needn't of worried as I believe he was more keen for us to stay than our host himself. Bernie was the sort of man who shakes your hand for that little bit too long. He was a christian man converted, he explained, several years ago when god saved him from a near death experience, one of many such tales Bernie cared to share with us.

Now don't get me wrong, I liked Bernie, I liked him a lot, primarily because of his flare for life, even if it did render him a bit of a nut. Rather curiously he took a real shinning to Joel and within half an hour of meeting him, whilst sat around the dining table, he exclaimed "don't eat much do you?... but I bet you've got all the meat in the right places" whilst slipping me a quick wink. One things for sure, conversation was never dull when Bernie was around. Throughout the same meal his conversation ranged from why he likes the Irish, who invented chess and a detailed run through of how god had saved him from death four times. He told us this while proudly lifting his shirt over his protruding belly demonstrating a thick scarlet scar that ran right down the centre of his chest. Our conversation was cut short when he sporadically leapt from his chair exclaiming "my babies, I forgot my babies" and then proceeded to feed a flock of eagerly expecting bids a banana from a small window. Throughout the weekend he managed to tickle Joel several times, told him he had a killer smile and then attempted to get him to sell frozen Colombian raspberries for him back in the UK. Joel didn't have the heart to tell him we already have quite a few our own but said he'd look into it. So besides Bernie, we also met Felipe's mother, who it was a little more difficult to communicate with as she didn't speak a word of English but who had a clear passion for herbal medicines, 300 of which were displayed in a glass cabinet as you walk in through the front door. This may explain Felipe's (who we later discovered was 28) rather wet character as his mother insisted on hand feeding him treatments each time he was allowed to leave the house, which was why we were surprised to find, on our first night out with Felipe, that he was in fact a social butterfly. He took us to a great little salsa club where he danced the night away and the following day invited us on a couch surfing outing with another dozen hosts to a stunning natural reserve. It just goes to show, never judge a book by its cover!

As we were nearing the end of our Colombian adventure we headed further south to Popayan, yet another stunning colonial town. You'd have thought I'd have tired of them by now but they're just so aesthetically pleasing! From Popayan we took a brief day trip to Silvia market, which is primarily for indigenous people to trade in farming tools but makes for some excellent people watching. We ate in the local market and Joel had the pleasure of sitting opposite a guy eating chicken foot soup who had one of the said limbs hanging from his mouth throughout the entire time we were eating; for some reason Joel didn't fancy pudding!

From Popayan we embarked on a hellish 6 hour bus ride to San Augustin during which simply staying in your seat was a challenge! I swear a horse and cart would have had more suspension than the rust bucket we were stuck in! Still we made it there in one piece and it was well worth the potential piles we may have accumulated along the way because the landscape was like something out of a Kenco advert. The next day we embarked on a six hour hike to one of the many archaeological sites San Augustin is home to. These are amongst Colombia's most important archaeological sites. Here you can find hundreds of free standing monumental statues carved in stone which were left next to tombs of tribal warriors and are estimated to be from around 3300 years BC. Joel and I were particularly keen to carry out at Indiana Jones style expedition to these ruins so we set out of horse back with a local Colombian guide who spoke not a word of English. Now my Spanish is somewhat basic but I am 99 per cent sure that when running us through the meanings behind these various creatures she proclaimed that a female figure was represented as being pregnant by donning 9 mushrooms on her head. She proceeded to demonstrate this by leading us down the field and plucking a magic mushroom out of the turf whilst giggling to herself. Me thinks their creativity may have been aided by a few natural resources!